Dang, it was my intention to make the schematic easy to read - I have a much harder time reading rats nests like the one in the PDF you linked to. What can I do to improve it?
I tried swapping the RX/TX pins to my board and uploading a sketch, no dice.
Then I removed the external power and plugged in the 3.3V line again (with the RX/TX lines swapped). It worked 
Thank you so much for catching my error, I was not thinking about that at all!